Beneath it all

Vegas

2008-06-06T17:43:40Z

I have come back from my trip in Vegas yesterday. I had such a wonderful time seeing Sal again after five months. I was very shocked that I actually drove for five hours to Las Vegas by myself, but I also felt very exhilarated. We had fun going out to eat at a buffet, going to a hooka shop twice. The second time we went to a hooka shop was comedy night and we had a bunch of laughs. I even met his family on his birth mom's side. It was so great. I wonder when will the next time I should come over and visit?

Very Excited

2008-05-09T00:25:39Z

Pretty soon I will be twenty -one. No more needing to be accompanied by an adult in some places. The most popular story is of my mother took us to Las Vegas for my sister's twenty-first birthday. We went for Chippendales and for a certain time period I had to wait outside the doors like a dog because they were serving alcohol. No more of that. I will have many more privileges in three days and counting. This is the weirdest since it is also on Mother's day. Be like "Hey mom, here's your gift" and then my mom "Here;s your gift honey"
Gonna go to outback with the family and my sister wants to take me clubing. Sounds good to me :D
There's one other thing I wish I could have but that needs to wait.

God Damn these knees

2008-04-14T17:14:31Z

Both of my knees are killing me. I swear I feel like once I stand up that they are going to break. The usual pain killers aren't working so well. I need something stronger

Last night I cried so much. I started thinking about things that could possibly go wrong in my life. Mainly losing some people that I love. Those thoughts seemed so real to me as if they were happening at this moment and I felt so much pain inside.

Whoa!

2008-02-28T06:01:31Z

Lately, I've been reading a lot of books. My sister bought me a really great book for Valentine's day called "Mina: Dracula's story continues." It was really good. Filled with intensity and it especially has some scenes moving in all sorts of ways. After reading this, I felt the need to write about something. These thoughts I have had for a really long time, but this time I wrote it down with every detail. I felt like I could on and on, maybe even write my own book. Wonder if anyone would be interested in it.

Missing Someone

2008-02-22T04:47:26Z

Yeah. I missing my man so much. I often think about him when I'm all by myself, that's when I imagine him being next to me. It's easier to deal with the long distance than I normally expected. Everyone always thinks that people break up when two are far away from each other. What I believe is that with enough effort, it will work out. It's been one month since his move and we have been doing great with keeping in touch. I'm really looking forward to when I can finally come and visit. It will be a lot fun. Viva Las Vegas Baby!

What a Day?

2008-02-03T23:25:50Z

It was a good day so far, but then when I got off of work early I ended up getting two flat tires from running over a tumbleweed as I was on my way to my dad's. It had been a while since I'd seen the girls and I thought that today was the best day to go. Getting those two flats really bugs me cause then there was no way that I could go visit them. Hopefully I will be able to get them fixed by tomorrow and then I will go see them.

Almost Free

2007-12-12T21:08:51Z

School is nearly at an end for a month and a half. So looking forward to Christmas break that way I could do most of what I want to do. Mainly what I want to do is spend some time with my family, my friends, and my guy. Can't wait to open up some presents.

Darkness

2007-12-01T02:39:18Z

Raining all day. It is beautiful. I didn't have to got to work since my job requires good weather in order to have any business. Down side was that I spent my time doing errands for my mother and sister and being alone in the house. What was especially bad was that there was a blackout only in a small area where I live. Sucked so bad to not have any computer or television time. I would have wanted to drive to Sal's house, but it was too dangerous to drive. Not to mention he was at work. Thank goodness now the power is back on.

Family Night

2007-11-26T05:30:05Z

OMG! I just watched an incredible movie that involved Adam Sandler in one of his best performances ever. This movie is called Reign Over Me and it's about specifically how one man is coping with the loss of his family who were in the 9/11 attacks. It was amazing to see Sandler act the way he did in that movie. I would never have believed that he had it in him. I always thought that he could only do comedy, but with this movie he proved me wrong. He proved me so...wrong....

Belly Dancing

2007-11-11T01:32:57Z

Should have written about this on Thursday cause that is when it all happened, but I got so soar from the exercise. Recently, my mother and sister, Damara, signed up for this belly dancing class to help them lose weight. Unfortunately, well not really, it was my mother's tenth anniversary to my step-father, Mike. Congradulations Mom and Mike! I ended up going to the class just for that one night. It was extremely hard having to learn only certain muscles and not moving others, but I can't seem to help that. The dance moves were pretty sexy. Looking at the lessons, I want to buy the video to learn more. Maybe put on a little show for a certain someone.

Tricked Really Bad

2007-10-17T05:38:58Z

I just a freaky call by a restricted number. At first, I thought the call would be Damara because she had just left and she usually does that, but when I looked at my phone it was a restricted number. Judging by that, I figured it would be Karla since she is the only one that calls me from a restricted number. Guess what? It wasn't her....
By the sound of the voice, I thought it would be Damara, but then I thought "how can that be when it's a restricted number?" This person started saying some weird things and at the end of the call I thought I heard something like "you're gonna get it!" and then the person hung up. I got so scared by that phone call that I didn't what to think next. Not too long afterwards did Damara call and gives off clues that she was the one that made phone call.
That was so messed up that she did that, especially when earlier her and I watched a scary movie called Wrong Turn 2. Terrible...it's about a physically deformed family that live in the woods whose only food source are human beings. I can't believe that Damara was such a huge MEANIE to me

New Car

2007-09-30T02:14:04Z

As some of friends and family know, I was recently involved in a car accident. It was one of the worst things that could happen because I had no car for a while. Well, thanks to my mother, sister, and boyfriend, I was able to go places. I just got a phone call yesterday while I was at work from my mother saying that shop had finished working on the car. I was in shock to hear that they finished early and so very excited because I was getting my car back. I wanted to leave early so I could get as soon as possible. At first we thought I was going to get it right there and then that day because they close at 5:00 while that was the time my mother gets out of work and I got out at 5:30. Luckily, we were able to pay for it over the phone and there were other workers there waiting for us to pick it up. So now I have my car back and it feels really good. It's definitely better than it was before. Before the accident, I had really big scratches on the back bumper. The collision caused the bumper to fall off so one bright side to it was that I didn't have to pay for repairment of the scratches. I would have been a real bummer if I paid money to get rid of the scratches and then get into an accident.

Full of Happiness

2007-09-25T06:27:01Z

I feel like the luckiest person in this world. It is a really great feeling to love someone and it's even better when that same person loves you back. Ever since I was little, I didn't believe in the idea of love. I always thought that it was something that we all made ourselves believe we feel because of how great it was to be that way or that if even it was real, it was just go away and leave great pain for the rest of our lives. That's at least what I think I saw for some people.
I first fell in love with my best friend, Sal, at the age of 12. I never wanted to admit at the time. In fact, it took me a long time for me to ever want to admit that I actually love him. I tried keeping to myself, but apparently I wasn't very good as I was told by many people.
Now we are finally together. It took us long enough, or rather it took me long enough, only about 13 years. Just like that old saying, "Better late than never." I'm sure happy that I gave in to my emotions.
Sal, you will never truly know how much you've given me. You have made me feel so much happier than I did in a long time. You have made me feel stronger and lively. I've loved you for so long and I know that it will never go away. I love you Sal

Car Dealerships

2007-08-31T00:01:12Z

One of the worst places to go are the car dealerships because they suggest that you need to have some work done to your when you don't even need to, they charge you for just checking it, and the prices for everything is going to cost you an arm and a leg. What can you do? I just want to hang out with some friends, they help get my mind off of things.

Last Day of Freedom

2007-08-27T02:25:13Z

Man oh man, it's funny how time goes by. Starting tomorrow is when I have to go to school again and I'm not too happy about that. I had to go to work today but there was hardly anybody because it was very cloudy. Good thing is that it did rain later on and we closed early, so I was able to get the rest of the day off. Problem was that I didn't really anything fun afterwards. I didn't get to spend time with some people that I would have liked to see. I hope to get to hang out with my friends still even though there is school. At least this class was better than last semester, meaning more free time. I hope that some people will like to set up something.

Sickness

2007-07-20T19:41:53Z

Today I woke up fine and seem to be more rested than usual, but now I'm feeling really sick to my stomach. Feels like everything inside is twisting and turning. Out of all days, why did it have to be today? Monday through Thursday would have been much more better because on those days I don't have to work. I sure hope I can feel better by then.

My Day

2007-07-19T05:27:50Z

Just got a new mattress and I still wake up in the morning restless. Been having a lot of dreams lately that's has been keeping me up all night. Problem is not falling asleep, it's staying asleep. Once I close my eyes, I have another dream. Well, after I woke up, I went to COD to hang out with my best friend Karla. Spent the whole day doing new things on the computer and ate a lot of food. Most of what we did was talk about a lot of things that were very personal. So many things that I've been keeping in for a long time. I didn't tell her everything, sometimes it is very difficult for me to get all the things deep down to come out. Everything I say is just enough to get a little bit of the message.

Thursday

2007-06-29T00:40:45Z

Ever feel like you can't get up? Or, you just don't get up because the fact is that you really don't want to get out your bed because your body needed to relax? I almost spent the entire day in bed. Also, I felt like being all by my lonesome. It's much better to be alone with your thoughts, especially if they are ones that sometimes make you want to cry. Don't ever want to reveal myself to my family because I feel like they judge me. I have problems feeling comfortable with them. Whenever I confide in them, I just want to take back everything I say to them. I'm not going to lock myself up like I used to in the past. I just much rather use a different technique in letting out all of my emotions. I'd rather do a lot of writing in a journal then lay out my problems on other people. I know they also have a lot to deal with. I shouldn't depend on others to help me. At times like these, Branid Carlile's song called "My Song" has a good way of describing this.
Not everything is so bad, I got so many plans for the next couple of weeks. I'm very excited about going to the beach on the fourth of July. Some of the best people are going to be nearby eating some good food and watching fireworks. I'm going to have my sisters and my best friend there. There are many ways to look at the bright side.

Ups and Downs

2007-06-19T03:53:09Z

This morning didn't start out that great. Last night I had to sleep in the living room because I'm getting a new mattress, so I couldn't sleep in my own room. I didn't get that much rest because I woke up feeling cold. By not getting enough rest, I started to feel really sick. If feeling nauseous was bad enough, I had some major pain from both of knees. I have to go to the doctor to see what's the deal with them cause I've had this problem for five years now.
Even though I wasn't feeling well, I didn't let that stop me. I rested more, went to the mall with Damara, hung out at my dad's place, and went to Bed Bath and Beyond. I'm really happy that I also bought a new journal to write my most personal thoughts in cause I ran out of space in my other one. I've been doing a lot of writing lately so that I can deal with most of the stress that comes to me.

Good Times

2007-06-10T05:52:49Z

Boy oh boy. I've had a lot of fun the past week. School is almost over for my little sisters, so I got to see Brianna give her last performance of the year. One thing that was different from all the other times is that this time Damara, my oldest sister came to see it. Brianna was really happy to see her come along for the very first time. Funny thing happpened that same night, Calista, the youngest out of the five of us, was being super nice to me. Probably because Damara was there and she just wanted to piss her off. Those two absolutely do not get along. It makes me laugh so hard to see them fight.

Right now, I just got back from a Quinciera. The party was so beautiful and so was the birthday girl. For some reason I felt like dancing, but it's kind of hard when you don't know anyone there. The party was for one of my co-worker's daughter. It would have been strange for me to dance in front of people I see at work, but it was still fun.

Mind Twist

2007-05-21T03:40:53Z

Seem to be going through a wave of emotions. Just feel like I can never find not even one day of peace. I really need to get away for a while

Where I find some hope

2007-05-15T04:49:32Z

Whenever I'm down and there is no one there to comfort me, I look to some of the best made films to encourage me. Most of the time I don't look for it, it seems that it falls right on my lap when I least expect it. Right now I just finished watching Lord of the Rings: the Fellowship of the Ring and I hearing the phrase over and over again in my head that somehow gives me a little clarity. No matter what happens in our lives something terrible is going to happen. That terrible thing comes in many forms and it can come to hurt you physically or emotionally. I'm sure that when it comes for us we all may wish that it never happened and we ask ourselves why did it happen to us. One of the things that I learned from the movie is that it is not for us to decide what other people deserve or what they don't deserve, all that's left for us is the choice of what to do with our time. With every punch we get in the stomach or with every second when we feel our hearts are breaking, we can either dwell and let it slowly diminish us or we can keep going with at least faith that there is a way to be happy.

Workout

2007-05-15T02:00:45Z

My yoga teacher is fucking crazy! Forget the fact that it seems that she a life filled with workouts so of course she would be fit to do almost anything. Her body is very muscular and flexible. My sister and I all ready know that she is healthy, she doesn't need to show off on how she can stand on her head and then split her legs east and west. What gets to me about this class is that she has us trying to do the same things as her. What person in the right mind has us "beginners" doing the positions that could only be done by long-time practicing yoga instructors. Funny thing that happened today is that we got back our papers that we had to write that included descriptions of some yoga poses. Damara, my older sister, put down one of the most difficult poses to do as a joke because of how much bending one has to do. For our final, our yoga teacher picked two poses that we wrote about to perform in front of the class. I don't think I have to tell everyone which one of the poses did she choose for my sister. I'd be laughing so hard, but only if I didn't know what it was like in that class. It paid off a little though, Damara and I know for sure that we are more flexible then we were before the class because we got tested on that. Come summer time, there's only going to be parties for me. In all seriousness, there's REALLY only going to sleep cause I'm tired as hell from that alone. Man I'm weak!

Why must I feel?

2007-05-13T00:58:17Z

Today I feel like I'm about to break into a million and nothing seems to have the ability to put me back together. This could be one of the worst days I'll ever have because I don't seem to have any hope whatsoever that things can get better. I don't even feel like going on with life. I'm praying to whatever higher power there is to help me get through this.

"We All Fall Down"

2007-05-03T01:44:57Z

I woke up this morning wondering if I slept any at all. I can't quite remember the struggle so big or ever feeling so small. It took all my strength just to get out of bed as the aching in my heart went straight to my head. I just can't keep my feet on the ground...I guess we all learn the hard way. I guess we all fall down. Sometimes the answers don't fall from the sky. Sometimes they hurt too much to hear, and sometimes they sweep the truth under the rug and denying when it reappears. I know there's no use in rotting away, but it's hard enough to stand up and say that I can't keep my feet on the ground. I guess we all learn the hard way...guess we all fall down. I wish I could find a road out of this place. Somehow...I lost my way. I want to show you the light in my eyes and the smile upon my face. Maybe tomorrow is counting on you to learn my lessons today. I'll start by taking a step at a time and stop throwing my lessons away. I'll give myself up and I'll brush myself off and take back some of the pride that I lost, cause you can't always keep your feet on the ground...guess we all learn the hard way. And we all fall down. Oh, we all learn the hard...way...Guess we all...fall...down